


Kitty Love

by SoftObsidian74



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, Crack, F/M, Humor, Love Potion/Spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftObsidian74/pseuds/SoftObsidian74
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hermione’s efforts to claim Ron’s heart go awry, she finds herself caught up in a real life catfight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kitty Love

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by Ultrasonicbop.
> 
> This story was written for the 2011 hp_crackdealers fest.

_You are not Romilda Vane. You are not Romilda Vane._

No matter how many times Hermione repeated it in her head, she couldn’t escape the sinking feeling that she had turned into a conniving little bitch. She continued to silently berate herself as she followed Ron and Harry into the Great Hall. Gripping her books tightly against her chest, her gaze never left the ginger git in front of her. Ron Weasley was the cause of all of this. What the bloody hell was she doing?

As the boys continued to beat a dead horse on the subject of the Chudley Cannons, she snuck a glance ahead to their usual spots at the Gryffindor table. There it sat, the golden box, shining in the light pouring through the stained-glassed windows. She swallowed hard. This was it. There was no turning back now.

"You alright, Hermione?"

"What? Of course, Harry. Why wouldn’t I be?" She shook her head a little more vigorously than intended and attempted a dismissive smile. "I mean, what could possibly be wrong?" She laughed. It came out a sounding manic like a hyena, so she stopped and tried to play it cool instead. "Everything is perfectly fine ... it's–it's—"

Harry stopped, staring at her strangely.

Hermione clicked her teeth. "Oh, Harry, fix your hair. Do you ever run a comb through it?”

"What?” Harry asked looking completely baffled as he tried to flatten down his hair.

"Oi! Would you look at this!” Ron exclaimed, diverting Harry's suspicious glare off of Hermione and onto the waiting gift. “It’s a box! And it’s got my name on it!”

"Er, déjà vu anyone?" Harry said, rolling his eyes at the box.

"Blimey, it’s chocolate truffles! I love truffles!" Ron's grubby fingers had already torn off the paper, revealing the label and contents.

"Of course you do—because it’s something you can eat," Hermione said coolly, regaining her composure as she took a sip of her pumpkin juice.

Ron flipped over the box. “Hey, there’s no note. That’s kind of strange, eh?”

“Perhaps that’s a sign that you shouldn’t eat them,” Harry suggested, but Hermione wasn't convinced of his altruism. She could tell that the little sneak was practically drooling over the truffles and she was fully prepared to bite if Harry dared to reach for one.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s just a box of goodies,” she forced out, amazed that she'd managed a casual tone through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, Harry, it’s harmless. Look, I’ll prove it to you,” Ron said. His Gryffindor courage never failed to show up when confronting potentially dangerous sweets.

Harry leaned in and Hermione's fingers twitched around her wand, ready to Jelly Jinx any do-gooder fingers that got too close to her truffles.

“Ron, do you remember what happened last time you ate a box of strange chocolate?” Harry said.

“Shut the hell up, Harry!” Hermione screamed inside her head.

Instead, she gave him a dismissive smile. “Oh, Harry, listen to you, always so paranoid. I doubt someone would be foolish enough to try that again, especially since it didn’t work the first time.”

Harry narrowed his eyes and Hermione could feel him staring into her like a bloody x-ray machine, which wasn’t worth mentioning since no one would understand what hell that was anyway.

Ron pulled his hand back. “Hmm, perhaps you’re right, Harry. It’s probably too early for them anyway.”

Hermione’s heart sank as Ron put the top back on and placed the box inside his bag.

“Well, just to be safe,” she said quickly, “I think you should wait until lunch or dinner to eat them. That way if something is wrong with them, Harry and I will be here to help you.”

Ron nodded, not the least bit suspicious. “Alright.”

“Ron, I’m serious. I want to be around when you open that box,” Hermione said sternly.

“Ooh-kaay, Hermione,” Ron said slowly, giving his friend a strange look.

~~~*~~~

Later in Transfiguration, Hermione scoured her textbook in a desperate attempt to be the first one with a raised hand, while the rest of the class sat in dumbfounded silence.

“Mr. Weasley!”

Hermione glanced up to see Ron bent over, his hand in his bag.

“Sit up this instant!”

McGonagall approached Ron’s desk like a hungry lioness closing in on wounded prey.

“What is in your mouth?”

“Mmm?” Ron mumbled.

“Spit it out! Right now,” McGonagall ordered.

“Mmm?”

“I will not repeat myself. Are you familiar with school policy?” she asked, stopping in front of his desk.

“Ron!” Hermione called out, hoping he’d turn around before he swallowed the first bit.

Ron’s head began to turn but before he could make eye contact, McGonagall withdrew her wand and pointed it at his face. In a flash, whatever he’d had in his mouth fell onto the desk with a wet spatter.

McGonagall’s mouth twisted in disgust. “Mr. Weasley, answer my question!”

“Yes, Professor, I’m familiar with school policy,” Ron said softly.

“Good. Then you know that it is forbidden to bring food into my classroom, and to have the audacity to try and sneak a bite right in front of me! You should be ashamed of yourself. Ten points from Gryffindor, and you will have the pleasure of serving detention with me after the lesson is over today. Now, hand over the rest,” she demanded.

Ron withdrew the small box from his robe pocket and McGonagall snatched it from him.

“Now, where were we?” McGonagall said.

“Dammit,” Hermione cursed under her breath. She’d have to figure a way to get that box back.

But that was impossible at the moment.

~~~*~~~

Serving detention with McGonagall was the worst!

Ron glanced at the box of goodies on her desk, longing to have a bite, but the old cow was staring at them too. Their eyes locked over the box, and Ron imagined he saw the glint of confectionery camaraderie in her eyes. However, all hope for a shared treat was dashed when the light shifted and he realized it had just been a bit of dust on her spectacles.

“I’ll be right back,” McGonagall said, rising from her desk. “Continue your work, Mr. Weasley.”

Ron nodded mutely, looking at his textbook in concentration, even though he had no intentions of reading anything.

Ten… fifteen… twenty minutes went by, and still no McGonagall. Ron glanced at the clock on the wall in frustration. If the old hag didn’t show in ten more minutes, he was out of there.

“Meow.”

Ron turned to see a silver tabby slinking its way down the center aisle.

“Professor? Is that you?” he asked cautiously.

The cat approached the front of the room, ignoring Ron. He watched as it jumped onto McGonagall’s desk, and began to paw at the box she’d confiscated from him.

Playful at first, the cat grew more persistent.

Ron scrunched up his face. Animagus or not, that wasn’t very professor-like behavior.

“So I suppose you’re not Professor McGonagall, then?” Ron asked once more.

The cat ignored him in favor of the package, boxing it around before gnawing at its lid.

Ron chuckled, rising from his seat. “Alright, alright, I can see you have your mind set on them. Let me get that for you.”

The cat stopped its pawing and gazed up at him.

“Hungry little puss, aren’t you?” he said, opening the lid.

He took out one of the small brown mounds and gently offered it between his fingers. The cat tentatively moved in, sniffing and then licking and nibbling at the treat.

Ron smiled down at it. “Well aren’t you the cutest thing. I was beginning to think all cats were hairy little trolls. I think Crookshanks could learn a thing or two from you. Or perhaps not. He’s really evil, that one.”

As the cat consumed more and more of the truffle, its licking became more feverish.

“Are they really that good?” Ron asked in surprise, not feeling the least bit silly for asking the opinion of a cat. They sure looked tasty enough, so he took one for himself.

He wasn’t prepared for the sparks of pleasure that burst in his mouth.

“Mmm … bloody hell! This stuff really is good!” he said, popping another one in his mouth.

The cat purred low and looked up at him with an intense gaze that he couldn’t break free from before it consumed the remaining truffle in no less than three bites. Eying the residue on Ron's fingers, it moved in to lap up every last bit of chocolate.

Oh, you must be a girl with a tongue like that!Ron thought, gasping at the touch of her talented scratchy tongue, and gasping again when her tongue slid over his finger as if she was enjoying a catnip lolly.

“You’re brilliant, you know that?” he whispered, licking his lips.

With her eyes never wavering, the cat continued grooming him, giving each of his fingers her special treatment before moving to his palm, wrist, and forearm.

Ron flopped down to the floor as if his knees had given out and spread his arm out like a feast. He closed his eyes in perfect bliss.

“Damn, that feels good. Where have you been all of my life?”

~~~*~~~

Hermione's mood had begun to match the frazzle of her hair – which was decidedly frazzled since she'd forgotten to condition this morning – and when Ron finally showed up to the Common Room, she nearly pounced on him like a frizzy-haired dervish.

Ron's eyes caught for a moment on the calamity atop her head, but other than that, he didn't even acknowledge her. Could it be he'd gone completely daft?

“Ron?”

“Yeah?” Ron said, in that dreamy voice she remembered all too well from the Lavender debacle.

“Are you feeling alright? You look a bit loopy.”

“Loopy? I feel fantastic!” he said with exuberance.

“Oh? And why is that, may I ask?”

Ron giggled, his ears turning pink.

Panic seized Hermione as her exceptionally brilliant mind deduced that something was wrong! “Ron, there’s something I need to tell you—”

“Harry!” Ron called, waving at his friend like he hadn’t seen him in years.

“Hey Ron! Come over; you have to see this!” Harry said. He was sitting amongst a group of boys all gathered around a game of some sort.

“Let’s talk later, okay, Hermione?” Ron said, kissing her forehead.

Hermione gaped back at him. He kissed her! Granted, it was just on the forehead. But still, that was progress.

“Alright,” she murmured in relief. Perhaps she’d been worried for nothing.

~~~*~~~

Around the same time, in the privacy of her bedchamber, Minerva McGonagall purred, savoring the taste of the ginger wizard that lingered on her tongue. Ron Weasley tasted like chocolate. A hairball was forming in her throat, but she held it in, reluctant to expel anything containing his essence.

Repressing the ball of fuzz, she tried to hold onto the memory of that first bite from his hands. He’d been so generous, gentle, and kind.

She rolled around on her bed for a few moments longer before coughing up  
a glob of red hair. As soon as her paws stretched into fingers, she carefully placed it atop the nightstand.

Walking slowly over to her mirror, she pictured those big, long, freckled fingers gripping her waist. Withdrawing the hairclip from her hair, she let her long, grey mane fall down over her shoulders, and bent over to swing it out.

Perhaps tomorrow she’d show Ron Weasley just what he was missing. Keep her hair down, and show a little ankle. She had the sexiest ankles, if she did say so herself.

She sighed, recalling the way Ron had moaned as she fed from them. And that whisper! He’d called her brilliant.

It was like a dream come true. All her life, Minerva had prided herself on her keen intellect, but that’s not what most men wanted. Finally, she’d found a man who appreciated her mind.

Why hadn’t she ever noticed the boy before? Perhaps it was because she had underestimated him. He was, after all, too humble for his own good, hiding amongst the riff raff. And sure, he achieved only average-to-low marks, but Minerva wasn’t fooled. She knew a diamond in the rough when she saw one. And this one just so happened to be wrapped inside the body of a 16-year-old boy. But he had the makings of greatness. She just needed more time alone with him to show him the man he could be.

Ron Weasley was brilliant, beautiful, and very soon to be hers, even if she had to remain a cat to snag him.

~~~*~~~

The following morning, when they all sat down to breakfast, Hermione noticed Ron’s forlorn expression.

“Ron, you’ve barely touched your food,” Hermione noted.

“I don’t really feel like eating,” Ron said somberly.

Harry looked at him with concern. “What’s wrong, mate?” Harry asked.

Ron’s ears began to pink as he stared back at them. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Promise,” Harry and Hermione said in unison.

Ron sighed. “Alright. Well, I sort of feel … sad, and a little lonely.”

“Lonely?”

“Yeah, it’s the weirdest thing. Last night, I felt on top of the world.”

“I remember,” Hermione said, studying him. “So what’s changed since then?”

Ron took a deep breath. “I’m not sure, but … I think it has to do with a cat.”

“A cat? What have you done to Crookshanks?" Hermione started before it dawned on her who he'd had detention with. “Hold on, back up. First, tell us about last night. What put you in such a good mood?”

“Well, I think it all started when I got detention with McGonagall. I mean, that didn’t make me feel good. Actually I was feeling pretty bummed about that, but then McGonagall left me alone in classroom, for a really long time. And then this cat comes prancing in. It was the most beautiful cat I’ve ever seen.”

Hermione frowned. She'd never known Ron to go all moony-eyed over a cat, and if he was going to start then it had better be with Crookshanks.

Hermione’s eyes grew wide. “Ron, did you feed the cat those truffles?”

“Yeah,” Ron said with a wistful smile. “It was such an adorable sight, I swear. The little minx couldn’t get enough of ‘em.”

Hermione grimaced at his glazed expression. “Ron, did you eat any of the truffles?”

Ron rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, a few. It was my gift anyway. I figured if McGonagall came back and asked about the open box, I could blame it on the cat. But McGonagall never came back.”

“Oh no!” Hermione exclaimed.

“What?” Ron asked.

Hermione’s eyes darted from Ron’s to Harry’s.

“Nothing,” was all she could manage.

“Anyway, today it kind of feels like I lost a friend or something,” Ron continued. “I know it sounds mental, but I really miss that cat. I hope I get see to see her again soon.”

Harry sniggered.

“It’s not funny, Harry!” Ron said “Hermione?”

“Yes?” she asked anxiously. Perhaps he knew what had really happened and wanted her to apply her big brain to the problem.

“You keep a box of kitty treats, right?”

Hermione’s brow creased. “Yes, Ron, but they’re for Crookshanks.”

“Well do you mind if I borrowed a few?”

“For what? You don’t own a cat!”

Ron smiled sheepishly. "I think she'd like them. Do you think she'd like them? I mean, Crookshanks likes 'em, but he's a bit of a pig. I wouldn't want to offend my princess."

"Your princess?"

“Just give them to me tonight, alright? We better get to Charms.”

~~~*~~~

Later in the day, during free period…

Hermione stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes wide and disbelieving.

There, in the middle of the hallway by the window, stood Ron, leaning in so he could rub noses with a very elegant silver tabby.

Hermione’s mouth dropped open as the cat purred and rubbed its face against Ron’s cheek. Ron never treated Crookshanks with such adoration, but then again… Hermione’s blood began to boil as she realized that the cat was, in fact, not a cat, but a certain feline professor.

That bitch!

When Ron started giggling and grinning like a lovesick second year, Hermione had to intervene.

“Ron! Stop!” Hermione shouted, running up to them.

The cat turned its head and shot Hermione a predatory glare. And when Hermione stepped closer, it hissed fiercely, showing off a row of sharp teeth.

“Hermione, what are you doing?” Ron scolded. “Scaring my Snuggle Bunny like that!”

“Snuggle Bunny?”

Ron picked the cat up, cradling it in his arms, which was met with a low agreeing hum from the beast.

“Shhh, it’s alright, sweetie. I won't let the frizzy-haired meanie hurt you," Ron whispered, sending Hermione an accusatory glare.

“Oh my god, this cannot be happening! For one thing, I conditioned today. And for another- that’s no cat. That’s Professor McGonagall!”

Ron stared back at Hermione in slack-jawed confusion, and then looked down at the cat in his arms. The silver tabby was gazing up at him intensely as if waiting for his response.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, that’s impossible.”

“Is it? You said yourself McGonagall disappeared during detention and never came back, and then this … this … cat shows up out of nowhere. Who else could it be, Ron?”

“Hermione," he said in that infuriating tone that indicated he thought he knew something she didn't.

As if!

“First, why would McGonagall come into her own classroom as a cat and try to paw treats she confiscated from me? Second, McGonagall would never let me snuggle with her and scratch my belly.”

Hermione grimaced, knowing exactly what Ron was scratching when he ran his hands over the cat's belly. She opened her mouth, ready to commit suicide by telling the truth, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“You really are mental, sometimes, you know that?” Ron said, shaking his head and turning away with the cat in his arms. The cat climbed up on Ron’s shoulder to stare back at her, and Hermione could have sworn she saw its whiskers twitch with the slightest smirk.

~~~*~~~

That night Ron lay in bed, thinking of his little Snuggle Bunny. He couldn’t wait to take her to Hogsmeade and show her all of the treats in Honeydukes. He just knew she’d love it. And he intended to spoil her properly, buying her anything she wanted. He stifled a squeal as he thought of their first official date. He felt so damned lucky.

There was something special about her. He just wished he could put his finger on it.

Perhaps it was way she nuzzled her nose against his, or the way she licked his fingers, or the sashay of her fluffy little tail as he walked behind her.

She really was a looker, as far as cats went.

Her fur was always so soft, and those bright black marble eyes. It was as if she knew everything about him, but even better than that, there was a hope and adoration in her stare that made him feel like anything was possible. Like she could see the man he could become.

And Ron wanted to be that man for her, as well as her friend, her caretaker, hell, her everything.

Meow, she had said when they parted. God, he loved the way she talked to him. It was like they had their own secret language or something, and he understood every word she said.

One day, when he left Hogwarts, he’d show Snuggle Bunny the world.

But for now, he’d just show her that she was special. His special girl … er ... cat.

~~~*~~~

Later that day, Hermione and Harry sat in one of the reading rooms, by a huge window facing the hallway. Hermione couldn’t concentrate on her reading though; her eyes were drawn to the scene in the hall.

“Harry, don’t you see? It’s unnatural how he dotes on that cat!”

Harry looked up, peering through the window at Ron playing catch the yarn with the cat. The cat kept rolling the yarn down the hallway, and Ron would run to catch it, always returning with a huge smile on his face. Then the cat would reward Ron with a soft paw on the cheek or a rub of the nose.

“It is bit bizarre,” Harry said. “But not any more bizarre than how you treat Crookshanks. Besides, you know he’s been a little lonely since his break up with Lavender.”

“That’s his fault!” Hermione said bitterly. “He doesn’t have to be lonely! And it's not like there isn't another cat around here!”

“Is this really about the cat, Hermione?” Harry, said, wagging his eyebrows in a way that made Hermione want to slap him right in that stupid scar of his.

“Oh, Harry,” she sighed, knowing he was useless.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Hermione said, looking back at Ron and the cat before putting her head into her hands.

~~~*~~~

Over the next week, Hermione began following Ron, trailing after him to see if the mysterious cat and he were engaging in any inappropriate behavior. And sure enough, she caught them in the most scandalous acts: rubbing noses, cuddling, and stroking each other. The most repulsive of them all was the incessant licking. The cat couldn’t seem to get enough of Ron’s face. It was sickening. Hermione tried to hold her tongue.

But her resolve finally broke the night the tabby slinked into the Gryffindor common room.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny sat on the couches, having a good laugh, although admittedly, Ron looked a bit sad. But when Pavarti walked in with the cat in her arms, his face immediately lit up.

“Snuggle Bunny!” he called as he ran over to take the cat from Pavarti.

Pavarti smiled, gushing over the cat. “She was pawing at the door. Is she yours, Ron?”

"Yes," Ron said with a tentative smile. "Well, at least I think she is. We haven't really had 'the talk' yet."

Hermione watched in contempt as Ron took a seat across from her, sitting the cat down beside him. When he pulled out a bag of kitty treats, she fumed.

“Ron, where did you get those?”

“Calm down, Hermione. I got ‘em from a third year Ravenclaw.. You’re not the only cat owner around here.”

Hermione folded her arms over her chest as the cat nibbled at Ron’s fingers, and seethed when it jumped on Ron’s lap to pounce at his chest. It was absolutely indecent!

There was another low purring sound, only this time it wasn’t coming from the cat but Ron! Ron eyes fluttered as the cat kneaded his clothed nipples with her paws.

“Oh for God’s sake! Normal cats don’t act like that!”

“What do you mean?” Ron half murmured, half moaned.

“I mean that this is disgusting! Have you ever heard of bestiality? It’s illegal, you know!”

Ron’s eyes flew open. “What are you on about?”

“You, and this … this thing that’s constantly rubbing and touching and licking you.”

Ron shook his head, and Hermione narrowed her eyes as the cat turned to face her, its eyes taunting as it bristled its long tail over Ron’s face.

Ron smiled, rubbing his nose against the furry appendage.

“Oh, you are a frisky one, aren’t you, girl?”

“Ron, stop it!”

“No, you stop it, Hermione! I can’t help if Snuggle Bunny likes rubbing on me. Besides, it’s perfectly consensual.”

“Oh, you don't even know what consensual means! And that’s not even a real cat!”

“Oh yeah? Well, if it’s not a cat, then what is it, Hermione?” Ron asked.” And don’t try telling me its McGonagall again.”

“But it is McGonagall!” Hermione protested.

A sudden hush came over the Gryffindor Common room, and Hermione swallowed as all eyes turned to her.

Harry was looking at her as if she were a Polyjuiced imposter sent to cause chaos and disruption. Ron was gawking at her incredulously, and the cat simply glared as if daring Hermione to say anything else.

There was murmuring and a few sniggers. Hermione had had enough. She stood up.

“I’ll prove it to you!”

The room gasped as she withdrew her wand and pointed it down at Ron’s lap.

The cat hissed.

“What are you doing, Hermione?” Ron cried.

“I’m going to show who this cat really is!”

“Don’t you dare cast any magic on her! That’s animal cruelty!”

Harry stepped in front of Hermione, trying to diffuse the situation before one of his friends got hexed. All part of the job of being boy wonder.

“Hermione, calm down. Look,” Harry said, approaching Ron. “Give me the cat, Ron.”

Ron pulled the cat closer to his chest, giving Harry a suspicious once over. “What for?”

Harry threw up his hands in exasperation. “I need to show Hermione that it’s a normal cat.”

Ron narrowed his eyes. “No. I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her. You want her for yourself, don’t you?”

“Arghh!” Harry shouted. “I’ve had it with you and this cat.”

“See!” Hermione said.

“And you too, Hermione!”

Hermione flinched.

“Why can’t you two just act normal, for once? I’m the one with the real problems around here!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Ron said. “Put a sock in it, Harry. We listen to you whine about your problems all the time. 'Voldemort's trying to kill me! Voldemort's trying to kill me!' Come on – this is serious!”

“Excuse me? I'd like to see how you'd fare against a madman bent on killing you and destroying the world. And what about the whole staircase thing? I still have nightmares –”

“Oh shut it, Harry!” Both Ron and Hermione shouted.

Harry huffed and Hermione turned her wand back toward the cat.

“Now, let me show you!”

“Show me what?” Ron exclaimed, moving away from the couch toward the center of the room with the cat folded protectively in his arms. “That you’re completely barmy? You’ve already done that!”

“Harry—”

“Hermione, please … listen to yourself. If that cat were really McGonagall, do you think she’d sneak in here just so she could eat treats from Ron’s hand?”

“That’s right,” Ron said. “McGonagall doesn’t even like me! And Snuggle Bunny and I have something special. You're just jealous because she likes me more than Crookshanks likes you."

"Oh no you didn't!" Hermione said, channeling a sassiness she didn't know she had. "Crookshanks and I have a meaningful relationship based on years of trust, treats and attempted brushing. What you two have is nothing more than a … a … fling!"

"Don’t listen to her, Snuggle Bunny. She's just jealous of what we have," Ron said with a pleading tone as he rocked the cat.

“That’s it!”

“Hermione…” Harry interrupted, obviously not impressed by her new-found attitude.

“Harry, please—”

“I’m sorry to have to do this Hermione, but you’ve left me no choice,” Harry said, moving in with the speed of a Seeker to yank Hermione’s wand away.

When she went to grab for it, he caught her by the wrists and pulled her arms back behind her, pulling her towards the door.

“Let me go, Harry! You have to believe me! Ginny…Ginny, you believe me, don’t you?”

Ginny looked around self-consciously as if wondering why she'd even been pulled into this story and then turned her head away.

“Fine… fine!” Hermione shouted as Harry struggled to get her to the door. “She has you all fooled! McGonagall’s an evil seductress disguised as cat, and I can prove it!"

Harry dragged Hermione out of the Gryffindor Common room, kicking and shouting.

But before the door shut, Hermione shot one last glare back at Ron and his cat, who meowed a smug goodbye. At least it sounded that way to her.

_Oh, it was on!_

Hermione didn’t stop kicking and fighting Harry until he took her down to the dungeons and cast an Incarcerous spell on her under a large stone statue of a harpy. Harry looked at the scary bitch and then back at Hermione. “How appropriate.”

“Oh let me go, will you?”

“No, Hermione! Not until you calm down. Now, you either tell me what’s really going on, or I’ll have to do Legilimency on you.”

Hermione stopped struggling to burst out laughing. “Legilimency? You?”

Harry growled and pushed up his shirt sleeves. He really meant business. “Hermione…”

“Oh alright, fine, I’ll tell you,” she said finally, confessing everything.

Harry his jaw practically unhinged. “You did what?”

“I know how bad it sounds,” Hermione said guiltily.

“It’s bloody awful, Hermione. Not to mention it’s probably illegal! Why would you do something like that?”

“Because I hate losing!” Hermione blurted out. “If that dim-witted cow Lavender can snag Ron, then I should be able to as well!”

“Hermione, I knew you were competitive but this takes the cake.”

“It would have worked out fine if McGonagall hadn’t taken that box from him.”

“So you really think that cat is McGonagall?” Harry asked.

Hermione nodded. “I’m sure of it.”

“Well then, you have a problem, because Ron said she ate those truffles too.”

“I know, Harry! And she probably can't help herself, unless she's been waiting all this time for a chance to pounce on Ron.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Hermione, I love Ron and all, but he’s not that hot.”

Hermione huffed, knowing it was true but feeling the need to show annoyance at the insult. “Anyway, what makes it worse is that her Animagus is the perfect disguise for having an affair with a student.”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Harry groaned.

“Now you know how I’ve been feeling all week.”

“How long does this love potion last?”

“That’s just it, Harry. It can only be broken if the person who’s taken it finds genuine love.”

“This is serious. So you’re saying that Ron and McGonagall are doomed to fancy each other until one of them falls in love with someone else?”

“Or until they really fall in love with each other,” Hermione grimaced.

“Wow… so who do you think we could find for Ron to fall in love with?"

“Harry, if I wasn’t tied up right now, I’d smack you!”

“What?”

“Me, Harry! Ron needs to fall in love with me!”

“And do you love him?”

Hermione nodded.

Harry threw up his hands. “Hermione … why didn’t you just tell Ron how you felt?”

“Because I shouldn’t have to! I shouldn’t have to announce my feelings like some desperate tart!”

“No, tricking him into caring about you is much classier,” Harry said sarcastically.

Hermione scowled. “Harry, I already know Ron cares about me. He just needs to grow some bollocks and tell me. I just thought that the love potion would make it easier for him.”

“Hermione, did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason why Ron hasn’t told you he cares about you is because he doesn’t think you feel the same?”

Hermione shook her head in disbelief. “But that doesn’t make any sense. I mean, it’s obvious how I feel, isn’t it? You can tell, and you're just as thick as he is. So why can’t he?”

Harry shrugged. “Sometimes it’s safer not to put yourself out on the line until you know for sure.”

Hermione gasped. “Oh Harry, thank you! I have an idea, and I need your help.”

Harry’s eyes hardened. “No way. I’m not getting involved in this. You’ve made enough of a mess as it is.”

Hermione pouted. “Harry, what if I told you that what I have planned involves me telling Ron how I really feel?” Hermione frowned at Harry's so-not-impressed expression. "Fine. I'll let you see my boobs."

“Seriously?”

“No.”

Harry sighed in disappointment. “Alright, let’s hear your plan anyway.”

“OK,” she said. “but first, untie me.”

Harry smirked. “Hmm. This is a rare opportunity. How about I untie you, after you answer a few more questions.”

“Like?”

“Like…does Ginny ever talk about me to you? You don’t have to give me details, just tell me if she approves of my snogging skills.”

“Harry, if don’t untie me now, not only will I tell Ginny you asked me that, but I’ll tell Ron as well.”

Harry groaned. “Fine. You know I hope this works out for you, Hermione. I think a proper snogging would do you some good.”

“Harry!”

“Finite Incantatem.”

~~~*~~~

Minerva skulked in front of her mirror, changing from cat to woman every few minutes. But no matter what form she took, the tension in her body wouldn’t subside.

_That bushy little know-it-all was moving in on her territory!_

Thankfully, Ron saw through her tactics, but it wouldn’t be long before the girl outed Minerva, and she couldn’t allow that to happen.

She bit her nails as she paced the floor.

She couldn’t allow Hermione to come between her and Ron. Steps needed to be taken to warn the mouthy witch to back down, or else.

Minerva stopped in the mirror to gaze at her feline form, stretching out her front paws before swinging swiftly in the air. A sly smirk grew on her face as she thought of her advantage.

This was no longer about curious infatuation. This was about holding onto the man, er, boy she loved. And if Minerva had to use her claws to keep Hermione Granger away, then so be it.

She transformed back into her human form and quietly made her way out into the hallway before hiding behind an armored knight to change back into a cat. Slinking down the hallway, her eyes scanned the crowd of students. Granger would unmistakable. All Minerva had to do was to spot that out of control mane of hers. Did the girl ever use conditioner? It was highly unlikely. Another reason why she didn’t deserve Ron.

Minerva stopped as she spied a suspicious bouncing frizz ball up ahead and ran to hide behind a column.

The girl’s hair seemed even wilder looking than usual. It was as if it wanted to pluck itself out and run away, but somehow it remained on her head, looking a hellish, frizzy mess as she nodded a reply to the Weasley girl. As soon as the Weasley girl walked away, Minerva slunk from behind the column with stealth to follow Granger as she continued down the hallway. It was clearing out now as students headed to their destinations, not that it would have mattered, that wiry mess atop Granger’s head would have been visible from miles away.

They were practically alone. It was time.

The bushy little bitch was going down.

~~~*~~~

 

Hermione paused. She had the strangest feeling she was being followed, but every time she turned around there were only a few students, talking amongst each other.

Still, the hair on her forearms (and she had plenty) stood on end. It reminded her of the time she went looking for the Basilisk. What the hell had she been thinking? Harry would have found the thing on his own eventually. Oh who was she kidding? Harry needed her for everything, just like Ron.

A small sigh escaped Hermione as she thought of the ginger prat and then her breath caught as something moved behind her.

She whirled around, drawing her wand. “Who’s there?”

There was nothing but empty hallway. Her eyes scanned the entire area as fear began to take hold.

Perhaps it was Malfoy. Harry did say the boy was up to something this year.

Hermione shook her head. “Merlin, Harry’s paranoia is contagious.”

But she wasn’t taking any chances; she began to walk backwards, her wand still pointed. She froze as something suddenly jumped out from behind the column next to her.

There was a loud mewing sound and Hermione felt something pounce at her waist. She looked down to see a silver tabby clinging to her, and she tried to point her wand at it, but the little monster bit her hand, causing her to drop her wand. When she leaned over to pick it, her sight was temporarily blocked as the thing jumped at her face.

“Get off of me, you hairy little cu—”

Hermione shrieked as something caught in her hair.

“Ouch!”

In the next instant, she was flat on her arse, with a face full of fur in her mouth.

The silver cat was flexing its paws, and one of them landed, scratching Hermione’s cheek.

“You cow!”

The cat hissed in warning and Hermione grabbed the thing and pulled it off of her, throwing it as far as she could.

But the furball landed on all fours gracefully, and swiftly ran back for more.

“Oh yeah? Well two can play at that!”

Scrambling to her knees, Hermione positioned herself on all fours and bared her teeth, giving her best menacing growl

The cat stopped, and stared, sizing up her competition.

“That’s right, professor, I’m not backing down. He’s mine!”

Sitting still as a statue, the cat waited for Hermione to make the first move and Hermione mimicked her, her entire body tense, and ready for anything.

“Who’s that?” called Professor Flitwick from down the hall.

Hermione quickly rose to her feet, gathering her books and wand. The cat gave her one last hiss and turned to walk past Flitwick, leaving Hermione alone to explain her odd behavior.

“Miss Granger? What on heavens were you doing on the floor?”

“Uh, research, sir. I was… I was trying out the ‘waxing’ charm you taught us. You know what they say, practice makes perfect!”

Flitwick frowned, looking genuinely disturbed. “Dear child, may I suggest getting a boyfriend, or perhaps a girlfriend? Whatever you prefer. I’m worried about you.”

He gave her a sympathetic pat and then walked on.

“I’m trying to, you little dwarf, but a certain professor keeps getting in my way,” she said before turning to look for Harry.

~~~*~~~

Later that day during the break in between classes, Ron was in his usual spot, playing with the tabby on the windowsill.

He didn’t even look up when they approached, but the cat threw both Hermione and Harry a warning glare.

“Ron,” Harry said.

“Yeah?” Ron asked as he stroked the cat’s back.

The tabby arched into Ron’s palm and yawned before rolling over to receive the same treatment on its belly.

“'Oh, Ron, you don't even know what you're rubbing!" Hermione exclaimed.

Immediately, the cat flipped back onto its feet and crouched low as if set to spring an attack, leveling a deadly glare at Hermione.

“Is that supposed to intimidate me? I've wrestled a comb through Crookshank's fur without a scratch, Missy. I took you on once, I can take you again!"

The cat hissed again, watching Hermione’s every movement.

“Come on," Hermione dared. "Make your move, pussy."

Their eyes remained locked in a heated staring contest until Ron stepped in front of the cat.

“Hermione, if you’re going to act this way around Snuggle Bunny, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Ron,” Harry said, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’m serious, Harry. I’ve had enough,” Ron said.

“Ron,” Hermione said in the calmest voice she could muster. “I need for you to listen to me.”

“Why should I? You treat her like—”

Before Ron could complete his sentence, there was a loud whine and hiss as Harry grabbed the cat and took off running as fast as he could down the hallway.

Ron lunged forward, reaching out with a desperate hand. “Snuggle Bunny! Harry, where are you taking her? Bring her back here, right now!”

“Ron, this is an intervention!” Hermione said, trying to hold him from pursuing Harry.

“Don’t you dare hurt her, Harry, or I swear!”

“Ron, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before,” Hermione said forcibly as she pushed him back with all her strength.

“Tell me what?” Ron asked angrily, his eyes glancing down to Hermione and then past her to where Harry had disappeared. “Where’s he taking my Snuggle Bunny?”

“Ron, look at me!” Hermione said, grabbing his face.

Hermione took a deep breath. “I love you!”

“You wha—?”

“I love you. I’ve loved you since second year!”

Ron’s eyes softened and began to water. “You love … me?”

“Yes, I love you. Don’t ask me why. I’ve been trying to figure that out for ages, and I’m not sure I’ll ever come up with a proper answer.”

Ron smiled, his eyes full of amazement, and Hermione stood on her tiptoes to kiss him full on the lips.

Whistles and approving comments could be heard all around them, and when the kiss finally broke, Ron had the biggest smile on his face. Even bigger than the one he’d sported for the past week.

“So you feel the same about me, then?”

“Of course I do,” Ron whispered.

“And what about that cat?”

Ron blinked in confusion. “What cat? Oh, that grey hairball? She’s alright, but a little too frisky for my tastes. Between you and me, I’d say she’s had a lot of owners. Besides, you’re much more important to me, Hermione than some cat.”

Hermione hugged him tight, reveling in the relief and joy she felt and then Ron pulled back to kiss her once again.

~~~*~~~

_The next day in Transfiguration…_

 

Hermione’s hand was starting to go numb from being in the air so long. Normally, McGonagall would call on her immediately, but today it felt like the woman was channeling Snape. The professor’s outright snub after each question was beginning to hurt.

“Can anyone tell me the three conditions under which metal cannot be transfigured? No one?” McGonagall asked, looking right at Hermione.

When it became apparent McGonagall had no intention of calling her, Hermione finally lowered her hand.

“How about you, Mr. Weasley,” McGonagall asked , giving Ron an uncharacteristically warm smile as she approached his desk.

“Huh?”

“Can you tell me the three conditions under which metal cannot be transfigured?”

“Well, I don’t know all of them, but I do know you can’t transfigure metal in extreme heat. My brother Charlie once tried to transfigure a metal to make a muzzle for a dragon he was working with, and he said it deflected his magic and then bit him right on the arse.”

McGonagall broke into a peel of previously unheard laughter. “Oh Mr. Weasley, that was quite amusing,” she said as she placed a hand on Ron’s shoulder.

Hermione frowned.

“And you are also correct. Metal cannot be transfigured under extreme heat. Fifty points to Gryffindor for providing such an excellent and entertaining answer.”

Hermione’s mouth dropped open.

“Now, I have your papers,” McGonagall said. “The grade is final. There will be no negotiations, so don’t even bother asking,” she said coldly, casting a pointed glance in Hermione’s direction.

She levitated the papers, and sent them floating to their respective owners.

When Hermione’s paper landed on her desk, she gasped in shock.

An ‘A’?

Hermione’s hand shot up. “Professor!”

McGonagall looked at Hermione over her spectacles before pushing them up and pursing her lips. “Yes, Miss Granger?”

“There must be some mistake, you gave me an ‘A’”

“I assure you, Miss Granger, there is no mistake. I was very disappointed in your work this week. Your paper certainly did not meet the standards of an ‘O’. If you want a word of advice: never rest on your laurels. Today’s top student can easily find herself on the bottom tomorrow.

Now, I would like all of you to do a one-foot essay on the conditions required for transfiguring metal; it will be due by Friday. You are dismissed.”

Hermione remained in her seat, watching McGonagall as the rest of the class filtered out.

“Come on, Hermione,” Ron said, stopping by her desk.

“Hermione …” Harry said.

Finally, she broke from her troubled trance to look up and see both Ron and Harry waiting for her.

“What did you get on your paper, Harry?” she asked.

Harry sighed. “I got an “A” as well. I just can’t catch a break. McGonagall knows how much pressure I’m under right now.”

Ron and Hermione both rolled their eyes.

“And you, Ron?”

Ron smiled proudly. “You’ll never believe it.”

“Try me,” she said through gritted teeth.

“I got an ‘O’! A bloody ‘O”. I’ve never made an ‘O’ in Transfiguration! I think McGonagall might actually be coming ‘round to me!”

Hermione looked to Harry who gave her a sad knowing smile, and then she looked back at McGonagall, who was staring at her like a cat scouting out its prey.

Hermione pulled back her lips ever so slightly, showing her teeth. The battle may have been won, but the war had only just begun.


End file.
